This blog idea came from two other people on my squad who also have relationships back home and we have been able to encourage and love one another during this season of life where we have had to do long distance with our significant others. This blog is to encourage future Racers who have relationships before entering into the Race and a mini soppy love note to my boyfriend IJ!
Before the Race was even on my mind, I was in a three year long relationship. I met IJ when I was 18 years old, my senior year of high school. Within two months of dating, I shared with him my desires and calling to the mission field. I told him of how God is calling me to be a missionary and there will come a point where I may find myself living overseas and even sharing that my salary may not be as steady from having to support raise. This was kinda me saying, you can run now and we’ll both be okay with it OR you’ve been warned but yet you are in it and are in it for the long haul! After that conversation I had a lot of peace knowing that I had a supportive partner who pushed me towards my calling. Every time the Lord would open doors for me to do missions work, IJ would be right there encouraging me to step into those opportunities.
Then, I had the crazy idea of doing the World Race, which meant leaving him for 11 months. I still remember being excited after I got accepted and calling IJ about it. I was a little nervous what his reaction would be, but it was the same one I got when I first shared my desires with him years ago. Supportive, encouraging, loving, and willing. The year waiting for launch was filled with lots of spontaneous dates, diving deep into our relationship, encouraging and motivating each other, and just soaking up time with each other before I had to leave. We had been together for three years and we had no experience in long distance, so I was a little nervous of how that would go for us. For those of you who are in a relationship before the Race, I want to encourage you to follow those desires and have those conversations early on. Soak up your time together, but also prepare yourself for the year you are about to have.
As the months have gone by, I have learned a lot about myself. God has healed a lot of areas in my heart that have been needing healing. I have witnessed and experienced several things while being on the field. The Race is constantly growing you and it feels like you are always learning something new about yourself. I never knew what I needed out of my family or IJ, concerning their support or role during this season. I have never gone through something like this so I had no expectations of my loved ones. Throughout the months, I learned what I needed out of a partner and how to also be a good partner for IJ.
For the first country, contact back home was easier because Guatemala was in the same time zone as Colorado. So, I could call home when I wasn’t in ministry. I updated IJ as much as I could, but sometimes it is hard to explain what you see, do, or experience while on the Race. Once we moved to the rest of the countries, communication was harder. I was going to sleep while home was waking up. Or my Sabbath would be on a week day when my family was working, so communicating became something we had to learn to navigate. I found myself not sharing as much about my time on the field, but instead using the time I had on FaceTime to focus on IJ and I’s relationship. I didn’t think it was anything bad, but like I said you go through so much that you want your person to know the stories and to share your heart with. And vice versa, IJ’s life was still continuing back home and he was experiencing things as well. We soon learned the balance between sharing updates and stories and still growing our relationship. I learned that as far as communication, I did not need a phone call every day to feel supported and that I appreciated the times we could get on the phone because it was like opening an unexpected gift. I learned that with IJ’s busy work schedule, he also could not talk as much so I think it helped that we both made time and space for communication.
I encourage those in relationships to be honest with your person on what kind of communication you need. I know each person and relationship is different, but just be transparent. Often times, people need more than just two phone calls per week or they need zero, who knows. But also, I encourage you to be present and to depend on the Lord. This is just a year where you are giving your “yes” to God, so give it with everything you have. You want to take advantage of your time and take in everything that the Race has to offer. I also encourage you to step into the shoes of your partner. As much as you are changing and going through things, so are they. You are going to learn a lot about how you and your partner communicate while doing long distance for a year. You are going to grow in communicating affectively with them. Not only are you seeing them through a screen, but you are miles away from each other. Whenever we had to resolve an issue in our relationship, we couldn’t express every word we meant to say or hug each other once there was resolution. So learning how to communicate with each other is important.
This year was probably the hardest year for our relationship. Not only was I miles and miles away, but early into the Race, IJ began to face difficulties in his own life. At the beginning I did not know how to be supportive and loving from a distance. I didn’t know what he needed and how I could possibly be there for him through a text or FaceTime. There were times where we would talk and it would just seem like the world was crumbling around him. This was hard for me because as much as I loved where I was, I wanted so desperately to be there for him. It hurt me to know that life was getting harder for him and that I couldn’t do much, except just pray for him and encourage him. This led to a lot of dependence on the Lord and trusting Him with my relationship and with IJ’s life.
I encourage those who have a relationship back home to seek the Lord whenever harships arise. It is easy to get lost in the busyness of the Race and the struggles that arise in relationships, but spending time with the Lord helps bring peace in times of hardship. I encourage you to pursue your partner and understand that life goes on without you being there. They are also changing, learning, adapting, and growing, so don’t stop pursuing and finding a way that will show your partner that even from miles away you are still there.
I think the encouragement I want everyone to take away is to surrender and trust that God has everything in His hands. You, your partner, your relationship, your future together, everything. This brings peace throughout the 11 months and is easier said than done. I learned that nothing brings peace apart from God. Learn how to have the hard conversations, how to be raw with each other, how to still include one another in each others lives, how to grow closer to each other but even closer to the Lord. God has your relationship and will show up. If you learn to trust in Him and walk in obedience, He will honor that. Do not let your relationship stop you from seeking the Lord and your calling and do not let 11 months stop you from pursuing the love that you have built with one another. I wish that I would have had more advice or perspectives going into the Race with a relationship, but I had two lovely ladies encouraging me throughout it. It was sweet for us to get together and share memories of our boyfriends and to just know that there are others who feel similar emotions to you.
With all of that being said, it is worth it. It is worth going on the Race and saying “yes” every day. It is worth learning your partner from a distance and growing deeper apart from each other. So, thank you IJ for everything that you are. Thank you for encouraging me each step of the way and allowing me to pursue the calling the Lord has on my life. Thank you for understanding and being patient with me. For staying up late or waking up early for FaceTime calls. For having an ear to listen to the countless stories and for having the words to motivate me. Thank you for pointing me to Christ and trusting the Lord to take care of me for 11 months. I cannot wait to squish your face and for the future. This year has been a rollercoaster, but I could not have done it without you by my side. See you soon!!
Love always,
Your Jo.
