Worthy

As I began my World Race journey, the Lord told me to read through the New Testament. So, I started with the Gospels and continued on. As I reached the book of John, I came upon a verse that the Lord has been pushing onto my heart.

“He is the one who comes after me, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.” John 1:27 

I remember reading this verse and writing on the margins of my Bible, “If John is not even worthy, then how am I worthy?” Like ya’ll!!! JOHN THE BAPTIST!!! The man who baptized Jesus!! The one who paved a way for Jesus. He did not even feel worthy to untie the straps of Jesus’ sandals. So then, I began to think, “If John the Baptist did not feel worthy, then why do I feel like I am worthy?” Me, a sinner, a broken human, a mess 99% of the time, why do I feel worthy to pick up a Bible and grab a microphone and tell people to follow Jesus? This life that I am living right now, I am not worthy to be living it.

I am definitely not worthy to untie the sandals of Jesus. I have always struggled with my worth. I always believed God’s love was conditional (SPOILER ALERT!!! IT ISNT). I thought I was not worthy of God’s love or anyone’s love. The enemy tried to put thoughts into my head that told me I wasn’t enough or that I was not worth anything.

So, when I read this verse, I thought “yupp, I definitely am not worth anything if John felt like he was not enough.” As I struggled with my mental health and feeling unworthy of God’s love, God redeemed that part of my story. Below my notes that I had written, which I mentioned above, I wrote, “I am not, but through the cross I AM.”

Days after reading that verse, it just continued to stick to me. One day we were on our way home from a Beauty for Ashes event, and I was riding in the bed of the truck with one of our ministry friends and it was already dark. The stars were shining so bright and the mountains looked so beautiful. I cannot remember how the conversation started but I remember saying to them, “How can the God of the universe, the creator of the earth, creator of these stars and mountains, how can He make someone like me.” I shared the verse I had on my heart and shared that I was so baffled that John did not even feel worthy, so how could I feel worthy. Why did I feel worthy to come to Guatemala and just share with several women my story? Never did I think I would feel like I was enough in God’s eyes, especially to be called onto the missions field.

My squad mentor, Lindsey, posted something that also confirmed and resonated with me. “In so many ways I am living a dream I never thought I was worthy enough for. And without Him, I sure am not. In Him, I can do many things with Him and for Him.” God redeemed that part of my story where I felt unworthy and not enough. He showed me that through Him I am enough. In Him, I am worthy of preaching His name. Because of His death on the cross, I have His unconditional love. God is definitely fine tuning my heart and my mind to embrace the fullness of my worth.

With all of that, I have already seen how my story is similar to several people and I have seen how sharing my story has impacted others. If you are struggling with any mental health issues, I would love to be a person you can turn to. Turn to the Lord and seek help.

Blessings,

Joana Quintana